Every now and then we all need a vent eh? A "verbal vomit", if you will. Well that's how I feel right now. I don't usually like to vent about my other half. Because then you tend to get the one or two people that say "ohhh her relationship isn't doing so well" ... which isn't the case, I am cranky, I need to vent. Bman and I are fine, we always are fine. We just fight like every other couple, which I think is healthy. Well it's not even fighting, more of a disagreement, bit of an argue. We don't spend days ignoring each other. And I am almost positive the longest any of our arguments have ever lasted is maybe half an hour. We tend to get over them and resolve them pretty quickly. So my following vent isn't something I resent Bman about, or am going to "make him pay" for, its just a stupid vent that I am fucked off about right now.
So. About 2 years ago Brendan was offered this 'fantastic' job, on the Sunshine Coast. We lived in Brisbane at the time. He was promised all this shit, he was really excited about it. How could I say no? So I had 2 weeks notice. Packed up my whole house, my 1 year old baby and we moved. In 2 weeks. Moved 3 times in 2 years around the Sunshine Coast. Till we finally bought this place we're in now (LEMON!).
The short version is, Bmans boss, is a GIANT douchebag. He doesn't give a shit about his employees, doesn't give a shit about his customers. Just wants to make money and that's it. Makes the boys cut corners etc. Shitty pay (for those who don't know Bman is an Aircraft Reconditioner) and needless to say if Workplace Health and Saftey were to go through there they would get shut down in about 30 seconds. Anyway, Bman is constantly whining about what a shit hole it is , how much he hates it, how much he hates his boss, not enough money, not enough over time bla bla bla ..... He's done this job for 14 years and he's really underpaid for his skills.
Now Bman was only just saying the other day that he would be taking tomorrow afternoon off for Mels funeral and didn't care if work had a problem about it. Fair enough. Until...
Yesterday afternoon I fucked my back. Bman is always saying I should chop my own wood if I want the fire place (ya know because we don't chop wood in advance, it gets chopped every night, as we need it). So yesterday I thought I'd suprise him by chopping the wood and he'd come home to a lit fireplace. Bad. Fucking. Idea. Chopping wood isn't easy, no idea why he thought I'd be able to do it especially when I've never been shown. So i've fucked my back, really bad (on top of the scoliosis which is already sore from this shitty weather). I struggled with it all day until about 1 oclock ... when the dog decided to run out the front door when someone knocked on it and I had to catch him almost going A over T in the wet. I have only been able to take panadol or nurofen, cause i've got the kids. Can't take anything stronger because i had no sleep last night, I'm exhausted and I'd fall asleep. I call bman pretty much in tears and say I need you to come home and watch the girls (because living here i don't have anyone to help me out. No family that I can call when I'm sick etc. SO I've pretty much got to suck it up and soldier on - even though when anybody else is sick they get to take sick days... funny that) He's response was 'no - I can't'. Even though just last night he was telling me they're not busy at the moment. He just doesn't WANT to because he can't be bothered with the whinging from his boss. Usually he'll say I can't, I get the shits and that's the end of the conversation. I gotta suck it up. I tried to explain to him today I can't. I am really fucking sore, I need to take something stronger meds wise and lie down. The girls are doing nothing but fight and carry on. I'm having to get up constantly and I need to be able to lay down with a heatpack on and rest it. Sounds fairly simple. But no. He says 'nup, can't do it'. But he's taking tomorrow afternoon off for Mels funeral and he doesn't give a fuck what anyone says at work. He took 8 days off not so long ago in a row because the doctor fucked up a medical certificate and did it for 10 days instead of 1. But when I NEED him here to help with HIS children, he can't? So what am I actually upset about? I'm actually upset that when we were living in Brisbane, my anxiety wasn't that bad. I was getting ALOT better. I was doing things, going out, seeing friends, WORKING, driving etc. I had family around lots of friends around. Had friends over nearly every night. I was in a really good place. Since moving up here, my anxiety has been SHITHOUSE. I have like 2 friends here. Which is great, but we don't get to see each other very much at all. I miss my family. My sister and I talk literally everyday. I hate that I am 2 hours away from her. We're best mates. We get to see each other once every couple of months. I see my mum once every couple of months for about an hour. Because when we go to brisbane to visit for peoples birthdays or whatever we've got sooo many people to see in one day.
So I've sacrificed ALOT to live in this shithole of a place. I fucking hate it. I've hated it since the day I moved here. And I don't want to be the one that says "well I did this for you and I did that for you" to bman, cause I hate begrudging shit. BUT - it's true! I hate this place and if I won lotto tomorrow I'd move back to be closer to my family and friends in a heart beat. The drive from here to brisbane is sooo shit. It's only 1.5 hours but it's annoying and boring. With 2 kids its tiring. And its expensive. Can't afford to do it all the time. Over not having any help when I need it. The kids get a sleepover at their grandparents once every few months. I need a fucking break. Something needs to change... I'm tired of hating this place.
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