Realisations

I've always been the sort of person that has long long friendships with people.  I don't have LOADS of best mates. Just a select few that are pretty much like my family. Then of course the casual acquaintances and friends who are friends, but not ones you see all the time and hang out a lot.

Unfortunately for me, when I have a strong strong friendship with someone, I become deathly loyal.  Most people would argue that it is a good thing.  But most the time for me it's not because it ends up almost being a binding contract for the rest of my life to stick by this person no matter what they throw at me.  And to a certain extent I suppose, it's a good thing. Other times not so much.   Right now for instance I struggle with a dilemma with a certain friend.  Unbeknownst to her of course.

Many moons ago, when I met my dear partner Bman, I also met his flat mate 'L'.  Quickly we became very very close and during a dark time in my life she offered me a place to live. (ultimately though if Bman had of said no he didn't want me to live there well then I wouldn't of)  For a long time 'L' and I were basically glued at the hip.  And eventually, when Bman and I moved out into our own place and I fell pregnant with our first daughter Miss A, I asked 'L' to be her godmother.  In 4 years the extent of L's presence in Miss A's life has been nothing short of abysmal.  She threw my baby shower when I was pregnant (at my house) and then came here for A's birthday last year.

But it's not even the Godmother stuff that I really struggle with.  L has always been the sort of person who just got herself into dramas with men. All the time.  The one who I hold most resentment towards was the one she was with when I first met her. 'J'. A dole bludging pot head so scunged off her for 10 years then one day up and left her stealing her 80 year old fathers credit card.  All he left was a note, that was it. It was horrible seeing how upset and hurt she was.  Then after that it was one bloke who was sleeping around at brothels while with her, another one who was basically her sugar daddy and a total prick, then she moved out of Brisbane to Nanango and there's been more drop kicks there.   Usually I just comfort her and listen to her and give her the sort of advice that a close friend gives when their best mate is going through these sorts of relationship drama's.   Lately though, its gone beyond that.  She met a bloke 20+ years her senior, had a kid with him who is Miss P's age (2 in december). They've had drama's since they first met. Got to the point where they couldn't drink around each other because they would fight. When she was in hospital giving birth to her premature baby he wasn't even there, when she was in recovery and her baby was in the SCU he was ringing her at night abusing her calling her useless and all sorts of garbage (what a catch eh).  It was then that I heard the same line I'd heard with all the other blokes ... she was 'done'.  Cut to about a month ago, she still wasn't done. They'd broke up, got back together that many times. Now he started beating her. Beat her that bad he put her in hospital.  So now it's apparently "really" over.  And she rings me for a good 2 hours telling me all about how it's over with L, she won't be treated like that bla bla bla. Then in the same breath tells me she got back in contact with J and hes coming to live with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like seriously the amount of times we have helped this retard is beyond a joke. Last time was when he was in Melb and suicidal and pulled a knife on the police. Oh and then was the incident when he came to my house got blind rotten drunk and I had only been a week out of hospital with a cesarian and he nearly squashed my week old baby.  That night ended up ripping his eyelids off and to this day, no one knows how.  I'm angry because its J ... and we've been down this road soo many times. And the councelling and comforting involved in anything to do with J is just painful and tiring.  It upsets me that she's just putting her son through all this shit. That is fundamentally what irritates me the most.  Few weeks ago she left him in the car with the dog to go into the shops.  When she was called over the monitor she abused the people standing around her car because they were upset with her leaving her baby in the car.

I can tolerate a fair amount of shit. 9 times out 10 I won't judge a friend for shit they do, and I try to be there as much as possible. Sometimes to the detriment of my own health and sanity!  But with L .... I just feel.... done.  I've got 2 inboxes that  I haven't replied to from her. The latest telling me that she's met a fantastic bloke who's so amazing and he's got 3 kids and they're so amazing bla bla bla like I've heard it all before. J was amazing, D was amazing, L was amazing... all were amazing.  I don't have it in me to pick up the pieces with her anymore. She doesn't ever ring me up to say "hey Kirsty, how are YOU doing" ... or "how is my god-daughter". Nothing.  And I haven't responded because at this point in time I honestly don't know how.   I feel as though the only reason I've stuck it out the past year is because I owe it to her. She gave me somewhere to live when I really needed it.  But I can't keep this friendship going based on obligation. I just haven't got anything left in me.  Pretty sure how crappy I feel after she rings me and shoves her problems down my throat and hangs up, is a clear indicator that its done. Over.