This could potentially be a very quick post considering the tantrum that Miss 4 is carrying on with at the moment in time out. (8am tantrums, you know its going to be a long arse day eh). Was going to come on and blog last night while I was feeling so great, but got sidetracked lol
So after dinner last night, I said to the hubby that I felt like something for dessert. Looking at the time I thought hrm ok I've got about 40 minutes until the shops shuts. Now, for those of you not following, I've been tapering off my medication for 3 weeks now. I haven't left the house in 3 weeks. And before then, it was only if I really needed to. Ie; doctors appointment. So the hubby was showering the girls and I was fliffing about procrastinating about going to the shops. "yes you can do it. No, you can't do it, you haven't gone out of the house since coming down off your meds". This was the back and forth going through my mind. I told Brendan what I wanted to do. He grabbed the keys, wallet and phone, shoved them in my hand and said Go! You can do it! So I got in the car! Drove down the road! ......... and chickened out :(
Did a U-turn and came home. Walked inside feeling very defeated and sad. And from the look on the hubby's face I could tell he was feeling much the same. I felt more sad that I'd disappointed him. Of course he was awesome as always and said 'Its ok, got my hopes up a little bit, but no matter we'll try again tomorrow'. Well, no that was too much for me to handle! So I grabbed my keys and wallet and marched myself straight back out to that car. Drove down the road, drove TO THE SHOPS. Got out, went into the shops and proceeded to get the things I needed as well as having a bit of a look around. I swear the chick at the counter must of though 'wtf is this chicks problem' cause I was on a super high!
I practically skipped out of the shops and got in my car. Did a bit of a 'woo-hoo' jigg lol and called the one person I knew would be just as excited as I was- my sister. I said "Guess where I am?!?!" she replied with "outside the house?". "yes!" I replied "I'm down the shops.... ON MY OWN". Well needless to say she was just as excited as I was. If we could of high fived each other then and there we totally would of lol
To be honest, I think B's was expecting me to come back empty handed again. But as I drove into the driveway I beeped my horn furiously and leapt out of the car with my shopping bag in hand! The look on his face was the best! He was so stoked. And I was so stoked!!!
I realise, to many people they would be like "oh yeah, you went to the shops" ????? And it wouldn't be a big deal. Believe me, the rational 'normal' part of my brain realises how ridiculous it is that Anxiety stops me from doing certain things. But for me this was a HUGE win. The fact I was able to do this coming down off my meds. To feel the fear and do it anyway! To not accept feeling defeated and to challenge myself.... Seriously made me so happy. And this morning I am still on a huge high!!! I know I won't be cured overnight of this shitty Anxiety. And it will be baby steps. But every baby step gets me closer to the goal and am so excited about this journey.
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