Parent trap

So the second blog post for the day is about yep, you guessed it. Parenting! Sort of.

At my last therapy session with 'R' we spoke about me needing to stop judging myself based on other people and what they do.  So judging my parenting because the lady down the road does it better (for whatever reason be it she has more kids than me, or studies or just looks like she 'has it all together' - whatever 'having it all together' looks like).

I spend my time wishing I was the "perfect" housewife and mother.  After talking to 'R' about this she made me see that I continue to wish these things because I compare them to someone else. I flutter between wanting to be a better mother than my mother and trying to "beat" her and wanting to be just as good as all these other mothers that I know/see.  So my job, from 'R', was to come home and write a list. Of what I think the perfect  mother and housewife is.  So at the end of the day the only standards that I have to compare to are MY OWN.  As long as I stick to my own values then no one else's parenting is anything to do with me personally.  So after thinking about it all weekend. I've got my top 5 things that mean being a good mother to ME and my top 5 things that mean being a good wife/partner to ME.

Being a good mother to me means:

1.  Loving your child unconditionally.
2. Always having time for your child. No matter what it is you're doing. 
3. Always putting your children's well being and needs before anything. 
4. Always try to teach your children as much as possible, even if it means having to learn it yourself first. Be interested in things that they are interested in. 
5. Always ALWAYS make sure you tell them how proud of them you are and how much you love them. 

Being a good wife to me means:

1. Loving your partner unconditionally ( and I totally mean in a loving healthy relationship ) 
2. Listening to your partner and their needs 
3. Being gentle with your words- even in an angry mood/when fighting.  ( I grew up in a household where it was seen as ok to call each other C**** and Arseholes and bitches etc. I don't want that for my relationship) 
4. Making time to do things that your partner is interested in and vice versa. Even if it's not something that really grabs your fancy. 
5. Never going to sleep angry and telling your partner just how much you love them every.single.day. Not only how much you love them, but how much you appreciate them.  

As long as I can look at both my lists and be happy knowing that, that is how I live my life. Then there is never a need to feel insecure. Because going by my lists of being a good mother and a good partner, then I am content. I am happy.   I am the best version of Me. And you can't get any better than that.